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Handling the Hospital Stay of Family or Friends
by Mary Z. McGrath, Ph.D.
When a family member or close friends has a health condition requiring hospitalization their whole life quickly changes. The lives of family and friends potentially turn upside down as well. Suddenly a whole new group of medical personnel become a regular part of the day. Several trips between home and the hospital become routine. Schedules change and personal obligations need to be weighed against this patient’s needs.
How do family members or friends who are closely involved with the hospitalized individual stay organized and take care of themselves? How do they get the sense that they still have some control over their own lives, maintain routine and remain organized?
Following are suggestions based on hard won experience that may provide some stability and focus for family and friends.
1. Figure out how the hospital works as a system. Who are the main nurse and nursing assistant assigned to this patient? When are shift changes? Does your patient receive consistent caregivers? How do staff members communicate with one another and make transitions between shifts? When does the doctor make rounds? Who will be your primary communicators? Will there be a social worker, dietitian, speech, physical or occupational therapist assigned? Are chaplaincy services available?
2. Determine your role relative to hospital function. Determine how you can arrange to talk to the medical personnel. Provide the background information you need to supply in order to assist staff in better serving your relative or friend? If you feel you are not being heard and service and care could be more effective, ask to speak to the patient advocate. Perhaps they have tips on how to reach the people you need to talk to in order to resolve your concerns.
3. Bringing organization and comfort to the patient’s room. Since you cannot be in the room 24/7 there are ways to assist with communication in your absence. Place a clipboard in the room for relatives and friends to sign their name, date and time of visit. This gives you a picture of your supporters and clearly shows who to thank and call for updates on the current status of the patient.
Many rooms have a white board. Place information on the board about when you will be visiting next so that staff and visitors can coordinate with you. Make a sign if you have critical information to share.
Hospital rooms often have one or even two televisions. Sometime the patient requires quiet in contrast to the noise of conflicting TV programs. Bring a radio or tape/ CD player to offer the option of quiet music and alternative programming.
Personalize the room with pictures and objects to give the patient a sense of familiarity and comfort. Photographs and other familiar articles give staff a point of conversation when they stop into the room.
4. Finding stress relief for yourself while at the hospital. Spending extended time at the hospital can become both physically and emotionally exhausting for family and friends. Break rooms and lounges are available for a time out from dealing with medical issues. Bring a book, newspaper, magazine, crossword or craft project for that purpose. Bring a “to do” bag with stationary, cards to send, or bills to pay. Even carry your laptop if you have work that can be done while there.
If the lounge is too busy for you and you need solitude and quiet, seek out the chapel or be creative in finding a corner that is unoccupied. Use headphones to transport yourself away with some soothing music or into the broader world of news, sports and weather.
If you want some exercise walk the halls or step outside for some fresh air. The hospital gift shop, cafeteria or main entry area also provide other activity and a diversion from the current situation.
5. Handle life on the home front with as much normalcy as possible. Keep as many routines in place as are workable. Review your schedule daily. Attend to your own needs for diet, sleep, recreation and medical care. Keep in mind that your family member or friend is in good hands and make time for renewal for yourself.
6. Communicate with others in a way that works for you. Often when someone is in the hospital, many caring people call for information and to express their support. Sometimes visiting with them is encouraging and helpful. Sometimes you are too tired to talk on the telephone yet want to maintain communication.
Find a means to stay in touch that works best in your situation. Perhaps you might choose to maintain communication via e-mail offering regular updates. E-mail responses can be addressed at your convenience. Wishes of support can be copied and read to the patient on your next visit. If you prefer not to be called, place a message on your machine stating your wishes and the medical details you would like people to know.
Sometimes family and friends will tell you to call if you need anything. Be prepared to be specific with your needs. If you are a willing supporter perhaps stating something like this will enable the family and friends to take advantage of your kind offer. “I hear that ____ is in the hospital. Could I do ___ or ___ for you? Do you need me to run any errands? Could I bring a meal for those at home?”
Supporting a relative or friend during hospitalization can be a challenging task. To be up to the many difficulties and uncertainties this presents, it is important to use your time well, remain focused and take care of your own health as well.
Mary Z. McGrath, Ph.D. works with schools, parents and organizations who support wellness and the family’s potential. She offers presentations through Reflections Resources, Ltd.
E-mail: info@maryzmcgrath.com
Website: www.maryzmcgrath.com
Ph: 952-894-7707 Fax: 952-890-3229.
Reprints:
As seen in Stressfree Living Magazine, July, 2005.
Article cannot be reproduced without written permission from Stressfree Living Magazine
www.stressfreeliving.org
Mary Z. McGrath, Ph.D., speaker, writer and caregiver, works with schools, organizations and parents who support wellness and the family’s potential. Check www.maryzmcgrath,com for more information.
E-mail: info@maryzmcgrath.com
Website: http://www.maryzmcgrath.com
Ph: 952-894-7707
Fax: 952-890-3229.
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