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Five Ways to Keep from “Caving”
When Life Caves in at the Core
by Mary Zabolio McGrath, Ph.D.,
professional speaker/author
Sometimes , in spite of best laid plans, life takes a sudden twist and leaves us in its wake. One day you may be chatting on the phone with a lifelong friend and the next day hear they have been in an accident and killed instantly. Your coworker goes to the doctor for a routine physical and learns she has breast cancer. You drop by to visit your father and find him with slurred speech and a paralyzed arm - victim of a stroke. You finally achieve a pregnancy only to miscarry eight weeks from conception.
When tragedy strikes it sometimes comes quickly and unannounced, leaving you, your family and friends in shock and disbelief. Initially your only comfort may be numbness and the little denial you can muster. Once life has caved in significantly, what do you do in the days ahead to avoid caving in emotionally, physically and spiritually? Following are five suggestion to stay grounded and growing through upheaval and tragic life change.
- Realize your support system and add to it. When a major incident impacts your life who do you turn to? A good friend who has been there since high school? A cousin who understands your emotional life? A pastor? A counselor? A wise sister-in-law? Your favorite teacher? Sometimes circumstances warrant adding additional advocates who understand your unique circumstances .
If illness is the issue medical professionals offer informed direction and support. If a chronic disease is the case, associations specific to it, provide publications, classes and coaching on how to address pressing challenges particular to the illness. When death of a loved one occurs, churches and funeral homes offer support with both the grieving process and practical matters involved with the loss.
- Keep up with a healthy diet and find time to exercise-When you suffer significant life changes food provides immediate comfort. For others feeling heartsick, food seem like a foreign element. Whichever end of things you are on, there is the possibility of going to extremes by either over eating or depriving oneself of proper nourishment. Reason and common sense eating provide the balance needed to cope with your current challenges.
Once caught in the whirlwind of crisis, your exercise program might be one of the first things to go. Finding a moment to stroll along the river or hop on a stationary bike steadies the nerves and energizes the body. Focus on personal wellness during difficulty enhances your ability to manage the uncertainties that accompany serious shifts in life.
- Seek out motivational CDs, tapes and reading for courage and peace- While riding in a car or walking a quarter mile track, tapes or CDs elevate attitude and the ability to cope. When spending long hours in a hospital waiting room, inspirational literature provides positive companionship. Attaching to the strength and energy they provide helps you to endure the hardships at hand.
- Find a project to occupy your hands and mind- Hanging on mentally and physically may be vital in your situation. Something tangible to do, whether it be handiwork or woodcarving, stabilizes the mind and steadies the spirit. Perhaps you’ll choose to resume knitting the v-necked sweater abandoned when life got too busy or pick up the paintbrush and continue an acrylic stopped when art class ended. Any project adds a sense of accomplishment and relaxation to an experience that could defeat and demoralize.
- Take time for reflection to listen for guidance- Spiritual expression and comfort can come from closing your eyes at the end of a day and whispering a quick prayer, viewing a fish tank in the hospital waiting room or strolling in a park. You may benefit from journaling to keep courage and grace flowing in you life. Perhaps for you, perspective and peace will come when you simply stop, still your soul and wait for Divine assistance. Caving in to despair and discouragement is not the only option. Deciding to survive, to take care of oneself and to make it through tragedy is a choice that requires determination effort and resilience. The choice is yours.
Permission granted to copy and share this article with others. When printing this article please include attribution and contact information as below.
Phone: 952-894-7707 Fax: 952-890-3229
E-Mail: info@maryzmcgrath.com
"Self-care keeps you there!"
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