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Dealing with a Hospitalization:
Help for the Patient and Care for the Caregiver
by Mary Z. McGrath, Ph.D.
Jean normally went about her daily caregiving routine. She assisted Phil, her husband, with all the regular preparations for his Wednesday outing to an adult day program, Both typically watched the time carefully so he would be ready on schedule to board the senior van soon to pull up in the driveway.
However today, though he enjoyed his time at the program, Phil seemed quieter and less energetic than usual. Noticing this, Jean took his blood pressure and found it to be much lower than normal. When Jean called their clinic, Phil’s doctor suggested that he come in to be examined. Just as Jean hung up the phone, Phil passed out. Since Jean was unable to get a response, she called 911. Instead of riding a senior bus to his adult day center, Phil traveled by ambulance to a nearby hospital with EMTs monitoring his vital signs.
The result was a stay in intensive care due to heart issues discovered in the ER.
Jean was in shock. Not only did her whole day turn upside down, it appeared that her entire life changed course in one instant. Feeling stressed and distraught, what could she do to be of assistance to her husband and also take care of herself as well? Following are some suggestions for caregivers like Jean, who experience this sudden shift.
Exchange Information with the Hospital Staff - Find out as much as you can about the person’s current status and prognosis. Establish rapport with medical personnel working with your care-receiver by being cooperative and clear in your communication. If you keep a medical log, make a note to bring it to the hospital on your next trip. Post brief, priority information on a white board or homemade sign in the hospital room. Do not hesitate to review this information with staff as needed. Given the detail hospital personnel must absorb and retain, repetition will only reinforce what they need to know.
Tell Others - Once you have a good grasp of your care-receiver’s condition, decide what you want to share with others. Choose key communicators in your family and among friends. If you are overtired and overwhelmed, ask these key people to tell others to keep current with the situation through them instead of calling your home. In addition, you may want to adjust your phone message with updates so you do not feel pressured to answer every call. You might also want to consider a general e-mail that contains the patient’s health situation, the hospital address and visitation suggestions.
Pace Yourself - Initially you will want to spend a good share of time at the hospital. It may be most appropriate for you to spend the night there if the hospital permits. On the other hand, you may need quiet and privacy for rest and perspective. Maybe you will do that best by sleeping at home, even napping on a regular basis. Perhaps you would want to take advantage of the hospital’s meditation room for personal renewal. Eating some meals at a nearby restaurant would be helpful, giving you a break from cooking and an alternative environment as well.
Keep Perspective- Make lists and plan your days as best you can. The concrete and visual component of following a list helps you retain a sense of control when so much is out of control. Take time to talk with trusted people for support and perspective. Access hospital chaplaincy services, mental health personnel or other trusted individuals to assist you through the health crisis you are facing together. Though you are not ill, you are close to the situation and its outcome will have a bearing on your future as well as on the patient’s.
Take Care of Your Own Health - Give yourself permission to take a break for a walk either down the hospital hall, at a nearby park or local health club. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to let go of the current demands and pressures. Focus on the people, plants and animals that you pass. Enjoy the moment and allow yourself to mentally and emotionally separate from the hospital situation in order to return renewed and refreshed.
Make the Room Patient and Visitor Friendly - Since you and others will be spending time in the room, provide a CD player with relaxing music, bring in treats for visitors and the patient based on hospital approval. Place a sign up sheet for visitors in a prominent place in the room. On the paper create column headers for Name, Time, and Comments so that if you want to later contact them for any reason, you will be able to do so. Bring photographs of people, places or pets that will bring cheer to the patient and his/her visitors.
Carry Things to Do - Place projects in a canvas bag or briefcase. Bring stationary or postcards to keep up with correspondence. Include your checkbook to stay on top of payments. If you do crafts, bring along the knitting or needlepoint. To keep your mind occupied and fend off worry, pack crosswords, books, magazines or the daily newspaper. Include the patient in your reading to keep the world bigger than the hospital room and to provide an alternative to the television. Sharing the comic section presents him/her with an opportunity to laugh in the midst of a serious and often frightening experience.
Develop a Routine - If the hospital stay appears to be more than a couple of days, establish times to get up, to eat and visit your care-receiver. You know his/her patterns and can base your visits on them. For example, if the patient generally rises early or naps each afternoon, plan accordingly. Arrive at the hospital at the optimal time. When the patient is involved with tests or resting, take the opportunity to relax, run errands, manage family and home or see people.
Express Concerns - Also if the stay extends beyond a few days, you may begin to notice things that concern you. Maybe you think that communication between shifts could be more consistent or detailed. Your care-receiver may have a roommate who insists on keeping the TV on during late hours. You may experience frustration if you are unable to consult with the doctor on a regular basis. Whatever the concern, hospitals like to hear about them and provide a patient advocate whose role is to remedy your situation so that the patient will benefit.
Offer Affirmation - Make sure to compliment the efforts of hospital staff when you notice ways they work hard to help your care-receiver. Your reinforcement gives medical personnel encouragement to continue giving good care to all their patients. Show gratitude with a card, letter or even a snack for the team that brought this special patient through this health crisis.
Hopefully, Jean and Phil found their hospital stay one that brought a positive outcome for both of them. By taking care of herself, and communicating their needs, Jean enhanced a difficult period in their lives. Perhaps you can do the same if you enter such circumstances prepared with strategies and plans to assist the patient and care for yourself at the same time.
Mary Z. McGrath, Ph.D. Works with organizations, schools and parents interested in wellness and the family’s potential. Go to www.maryzmcgrath.com to read more about caregiving.
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Mary Z. McGrath, Ph.D., speaker, writer and caregiver, works with schools, organizations and parents who support wellness and the family’s potential. Check www.maryzmcgrath,com for more information.
E-mail: info@maryzmcgrath.com
Website: http://www.maryzmcgrath.com
Ph: 952-894-7707
Fax: 952-890-3229.
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